Omen 105: All the Sea's a Stage
Transcript & Credits
Narrator: Omen is intended for an adult audience. This episode touches upon themes of kidnapping and human trafficking, and contains instances of dramatized violence. Full transcripts of each episode can be viewed at omen cast dot com.
SCENE 1
[[SFX: boisterous tavern music/hooting]]
Stoddard: [[laughs]] [[yelling]] Another round on the good Captain!
[[SFX: pirates cheer in unison]]
Battoh: [[stoic]] A hungover crew will make for a late morning.
[[SFX: Stoddard takes a drink]]
Stoddard: [[dismissive]] Isn't that what your bullwhip is for, Battoh?
Battoh: A lashing may sharpen a dull mind, for a time at least. But can it cure an aching head? Or steady a tired man's hand on the rigging?
Stoddard: [[in good spirits]] I firmly believe that you and Batab could persuade my crew to perform the Dance of the Seven Veils, should I command it. [[belch]] Such is my faith in my first mate.
Battoh: [[diplomatic]] Kind words, Captain, and well taken. Though it could be troublesome if the men confused this… "encouragement" as punishment.
Stoddard: [[nonchalant]] If they did, then it'd be your own damn fault. I couldn't care less if you use whips or threats or a brutal show of force. As long as you two produce the desired results, then my faith is well placed.
Battoh: And we are grateful for it. Though this one tends to consider your crew’s loyalty before deciding on how best to motivate them.
Stoddard: [[dismissive]] Loyalty, respect, fear… simple tools for simple men. Your tools.
Battoh: When the sun sets low, a crew looks to its captain… not his envoy.
Stoddard: [[annoyed]] Are you as blind as your brother is deaf and dumb? Look around you. You think I wouldn't rather be up in the Petals, rubbing shoulders with my equals? A captain drinks with his men--doesn't he, Battoh? [[darkly]] Am I not performing my role to your satisfaction?
Battoh: Apologies, Captain. It is simply this one's duty to consider crew morale.
Stoddard: [[cranky]] Hmph. I swear, you Qadirans and your wearisome philosophizing. If I had a copper for every one of your peoples' tedious proverbs, I wouldn't need to bother with these damnable ransom delays.
Battoh: You could always send Barlow's lot to collect.
Stoddard: Why settle on two thousand when you could squeeze five from these mewling highborns? [[burp]] Besides, if that girl really is this "Lady Karthis", I doubt the local authorities would go uninformed of her return.
Battoh: [[nonchalant]] Sending Barlow off to Oppara would be a fitting comeuppance for keeping us waiting. And he could pick up a proper shipment of prisoners whilst there. There is word Stavian just captured a squadron of--
Stoddard: [[chuckles]]
Battoh: Something the matter, Captain?
Stoddard: Your brother makes a terrible diplomat, doesn't he, Batab? Tell me, First Mate--what do you care if the girl gets home or not? She obviously ran away of her own accord if she was snatched up in Almas.
Battoh: [[hesitant]] It is only… if the ransom comes to nothing… This one has seen what the brothels in Manaket can do to… the inexperienced. Hearts are worn down in that place… surely as the sands gnaw at the very city walls.
Stoddard: [[chuckles]] Thank the gods you're a sailor and not a poet. Such lofty words for a man who's enjoyed more than his fair share of Garundi seraglios in his day.
[[SFX: Stoddard takes a drink]]
Battoh: [[regretful]] Aye. And this one is poorer for it.
Stoddard: [[cheerful]] Well, there's no need to fret over bullwhips and sandy hearts quite so soon, my saccharine friend. I have a few more eyes and ears to speak with before we shove off. [[chuckles]] Barlow's lot will no doubt be soiling themselves with joy tomorrow.
[[SFX: door bursts open]]
Pirate: [[out of breath, shouting]] Captain! Captain Stoddard, sir! The Teat's been commandeered! 'Bout took off the end of the pier as she launched, but she’s unmoored and away!
[[SFX: tavern music/hooting peters out]]
Stoddard: [[quietly]] The Witch's Teat is… away, you say?
Pirate: [[out of breath]] Aye, Captain! Bearing due east and manned by the prisoners, from the look of it.
Stoddard: [[deep breath]] [[calmly]] How far out is she?
Pirate: Not more than a few cable lengths, sir!
Battoh: [[hurried]] Speed will be on their side if they make it to open waters! But we can load up the Woe and be off within the hour! [[pause]] Captain?
Stoddard: [[thoughtful, to himself]] Clever… so very, very clever… [[to the pirate]] Did you notice any bodies being thrown overboard?
Pirate: [[confused]] No, Captain! That is, I didn't wait around long enough to know for certain.
[[SFX: Stoddard takes a long drink]]
Stoddard: [[quietly]] Well… I suppose we'll just have to wait and see who's already dead… [[darkly]] and who's going to be.
Battoh: [[wary]] Orders, Captain?
Stoddard: [[thoughtful]] She's obviously thought this out very carefully. How many charges of grapeshot are aboard the Wheel's Woe?
Battoh: Not sure, Captain. This one can check with the Quartermaster--
[[SFX: glass smashed on table]]
Stoddard: [[seething]] Who do you think stole my ship, Battoh?
Battoh: [[nervous]] Ah, well. You do not think it was Barlow's crew then?
Stoddard: [[bitter]] As I said, they're either dead… or they'll soon wish they were. [[focused]] We'll need a fresh mainsail. A new fore and aft, as well. Take half the crew with you to the shaper's.
Battoh: [[nervous]] At this time of night, Captain?
[[SFX: large coin purse hits the table]]
Stoddard: [[annoyed]] Wake them. My coin is good at any hour. [[focused]] Batab--take the other half of the crew to the siege smith and stock the cannons. Send word to me at the Guild Hall once you have everything aboard the Woe.
Battoh: They will still have at least a few hours' headstart.
Stoddard: [[sinister]] Good. Just enough time to allow for hope to creep into their minds. All the easier to break their spirits once we make pace.
[[SFX: Stoddard rises from his chair, sword unsheathing]]
Stoddard: [[shouting]] Men! To arms!
[[SFX: pirates whoop in unison]]
Stoddard: [[shouting]] Today, we remind the world what happens to those foolish enough to cross us!
[[SFX: pirates whoop in unison]]
Stoddard: [[shouting, vicious]] Today, we make such a show of bloody retribution that your bastards' grandchildren will whisper to their grandchildren the horrors of our wrath!
[[SFX: pirates whoop in unison]]
Stoddard: [[shouting]] Today, the Inner Sea will run red!
[[SFX: OMEN MAIN THEME]]
SCENE 2
[[SFX: sea ambience, creaking ship rigging, crew shouting]]
Gwen: [[distant, joyfully laughing]] Whoo hoo!
Lola: [[sarcastic]] Nice to know someone's enjoying their post.
Toby: [[tired]] Yeah, about that--are there any more jobs that don't involve running around, yanking on ropes, or doing physical labor in general?
Lola: Just the one ship's wheel, I'm afraid. Here, haven't you babs ever learned to tie a proper knot? I thought you boys came from Almas!
[[SFX: hoisting ropes]]
Quent: [[grunts with exertion]] Three years' service in the city guard before you're a proper Eagle Knight. [[grunts]] Three more years after that before the Falcons even look at you.
Lola: What, you have to join the bloody navy just to learn to sail? [[grunts with exertion]] You'd think a bunch of port townies would at least know how to tie a bowline! What in Hell did they teach you in school?
Toby: [[dismissive]] Pff… institutionalized academia. You know books exist, right? Why settle for inept intermediaries?
Lola: [[grunts with exertion]] If you haven't noticed, [[grunts with exertion]] I am settling… for a whole crew of greenhorns! [[sarcastic]] Or is there an accredited textbook on impromptu ship confiscation you could recommend?
Toby: [[snarky]] Several, actually. They're called novels.
Lola: Oh, and I suppose I should have read the one specifically about the group of tossers who managed to outrun a notorious crew of pirates?
Toby: [[accusing]] They wouldn't have had to outrun anything if said pirates didn't have a second ship.
Lola: [[sarcastic]] I see! So I should have single-handedly scuttled the Wheel's Woe before saving your hides. I'll try and remember that for next time.
Toby: Seems logical to me.
Lola: [[annoyed]] And I suppose you could have done it in a matter of minutes, yeah? Just my luck to rescue an expert on everything except tying knots! Here, pay attention--the wind's shifting. Keep your line taut.
Toby: [[snarky]] If only I'd been better taught how to keep my line taut.
Lola: [[sigh]] Just shut your hatch and concentrate on keeping us downwind… [[worried]] or else we're all dead.
Quent: [[grunts with exertion]] We have the larger ship, don't we? [[grunts with exertion]] It's not like they're going to catch up any time soon.
Lola: They will if we can't out-weather them. And, unlike us, Stoddard's crew actually know what they're doing. Which is why I'm hoping they think we're headed for Oppara to collect on our dear "Lady Karthis".
Toby: [[sarcastic]] Yeah, that would make too much sense. Who needs civilization, laws, or protection from the Taldan Port Authority? Spending weeks circling back to Almas really sounds like the best option to me.
Lola: I'm still waiting to hear this "better plan" of yours. Speaking of which…
[[SFX: spyglass snapping open]]
Lola: Now that we're out of sight of Absolam, I think it's time for a course change. Don't forget to--
Quent: [[interrupting, reciting]] Keep close-hauled to port once we begin to bear south and be sure to lean into the westerlies. Wait, is that right?
Lola: [[impressed]] Close enough. At least someone's been listening. I need to have a word with the helmswoman.
[[SFX: spyglass snapping shut]]
Lola: [[mock authoritative]] Carry on, Beefcake.
[[SFX: butt slap]]
Quent: [[startled]] Uhh… sure thing…
[[SFX: Lola walks away, Toby and Quent's dialogue fades]]
Toby: [[bitter, under breath]] Of course the sassy redhead slaps your ass.
Quent: [[sardonic]] And here I thought you two were getting on so well.
Lola: Hoy there, rudder jockey! You seem to be managing alright.
Gwen: [[excited]] Oh yes! I've been very good! See? I kept us going straight toward The Rider constellation, just like you showed me!
Lola: [[amused, weirded out]] Gooood… Well, now we need to change course towards The Wagon. That's that one over there.
Gwen: [[excited]] You mean I get to turn the ship!?
Lola: [[amused]] Uhh… yes? That's what changing course means.
Gwen: [[laughing maniacally]]
[[SFX: ship's wheel turns sharply, rushing wind/water, crew shouting]]
Lola: [[startled, amused]] Whoa! Steady on, Princess! The Teat isn't a damn caravel! Don't you know maneuvers like that can capsize a big galleon?
Gwen: [[laughing]] I have no idea what any of that means!
Lola: [[wary]] Just go slow, yeah? Like this. [[amused]] Gods, but you're excitable aren't you?
Gwen: [[excited]] Sorry! I'm just so… [[relieved sigh]] I don't know! It just feels like it's been ages since I've enjoyed… anything!
Lola: [[chuckles]] Aye, yeah--a week chained to the bottom of a hull will do that.
Gwen: Oh, it's been much longer than all that. Though I suppose it sometimes takes extreme measures to remind you how wonderful life truly can be.
Lola: Ugh! Are you always so painfully cheerful?
Gwen: [[mirthless laugh]] Not really, actually. If you can believe it, before I left Oppara, I was something of a stick-in-the-mud. Miserable to be around, I imagine. Thank you again for not taking me back ho--uhh, taking me back.
Lola: [[shrugs]] Eh--it was never really an option, to be honest. Besides, I think we'll have better chances harboring in Eagle Knight territory.
Gwen: Better chances? At hiding?
Lola: [[elusive]] That, among… other things.
Gwen: [[suspicious]] What "other" things?
Lola: [[nonchalant]] Oh, this and that--lower harboring fees, cheaper hired help… a stronger bartering position.
Gwen: [[suspicious]] Bartering position? [[realization]] Here now! You're not still planning on collecting that silly bounty, are you?
Lola: [[affronted]] Silly!? Do you have any idea how long two thousand gold can keep us afloat? [[beat, sigh]] What am I saying? Of course you don't.
Gwen: [[sullen]] I told you I'm never going back there. Not ever.
Lola: And who said you had to? There's more than one way to collect a reward, you know. Trust me--I'm not keen on returning to the "Gilded City" either.
Gwen: Oh! Are you from Oppara as well?
Lola: [[teasing]] What--the accent didn't tip you off?
Gwen: [[sheepish]] I mean… that is, I could tell you were from Taldor but--
Lola: [[mock offense]] Oh, I see. Not "refined" enough for you, huh Princess?
Gwen: [[mortified]] Oh my--no! That's not at all what I--
Lola: [[mock refinement]] Would m'lady prefer her lessers address her thusly?
Gwen: Of course not, Lola. [[sigh]] I'm sorry. I've only been on my own for a month now and I'm still a bit in the dark about… well, a great many things.
Lola: [[chuckles]] No worries, love. I'm just taking the piss outta you, is all.
Gwen: So… which district are you from? I'm from Westpark--
Lola: [[interrupting, sardonic]] --Westpark, yeah I figured as much. Well… I was never in one place for very long growing up. But I'm a born and raised Narrows brat… if it wasn't obvious enough.
Gwen: No! What? That isn't obvious at all!
Lola: [[rolls eyes]] Look, I didn't break you out to reminisce about the old stomping grounds. And I doubt you're interested in any of that either.
Gwen: Well… not especially, no. Just trying to be polite.
Lola: So I'll tell you what--just between us girls--let's you and I make a deal.
Gwen: [[suspicious]] What sort of deal?
Lola: I promise the Teat won't sail anywhere near the crown jewel of Taldor… if you put in a bit of a good word for me around here.
Gwen: [[confused]] You want me to chat you up to the crew? You've certainly picked an odd time for networking.
Lola: More like the best time. See, it's all well and good out here running for our lives and everything. But as soon as the fright wears off in a day or two, these poor sods are gonna start wondering who's in charge of this tub.
Gwen: [[stubborn]] They don't have to wonder that. They're free now.
Lola: [[nonchalant]] Free? Sure, why not. That doesn't mean they're unemployed, though. Especially if they want to actually enjoy their newfound freedom for more than a week. Crews need direction if anything's to be done properly.
Gwen: You seem to have seen to that well enough already. What's wrong with just continuing on as we have?
Lola: Listen, I know how things go out here on the open sea. Every crew needs a proper captain. And there isn't a captain alive that didn't get their title without a majority vote, plain and simple.
Gwen: [[surprised]] That's… surprisingly democratic.
Lola: Democracy's got nothing to do with it. [[pause]] Okay, well… yeah, I suppose it does, a bit. But it's more about pack mentality, yeah? Strong leader, strong pack and all that.
Gwen: Well, I suppose I'm fine with you being captain. You're certainly the most experienced person for the job. I doubt anyone would argue that.
Lola: Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Sure, the captain gets "elected". But I need at least one glowing recommendation before that happens. You know--extol my virtues to the crew and whatnot. You do that, and I'll never bring up Oppara again.
Gwen: [[wary]] And no kidnapping?
Lola: [[insulted]] You really have to ask?
Gwen: [[stubborn]] I want your word. No kidnapping and no piracy, either.
Lola: All right, you've got my word. And I promise not to pirate anyone who doesn't deserve it, at least. Is that good enough for you, Princess?
Gwen: [[wary]] Hrm. And you'll forget about that bounty on me?
Lola: [[laughs]] It's a reward. And, yes--I swear you won't set foot in the motherlands by my hand.
Gwen: [[excited]] Then I agree! What do I do first?
Lola: We'll talk more once I'm sure we're in the clear. For now, just keep the Witch's Teat pointed at The Wagon.
Gwen: [[disgusted]] Ugh, such a ghastly name. [[thoughtful]] I don't suppose a captain has the power to… rename their ship, do they?
Lola: You know, I was just thinking the same thing. We'll need to rechristen this old girl if we plan on harboring her in decent places.
Gwen: Something nice, like… The Freedom Ship. Ooo! Or The Friend Ship!
Lola: [[laughs]] That's… not the most appropriate moniker for a vessel with seventy three sets of wall fetters below deck. Not to mention the wide selection of weighted nets and bolas in the armory.
Gwen: Well… those will need to be disposed of, obviously.
Lola: Dunno--might come in handy if we ever decide to get into bounty hunting.
Gwen: [[stubborn]] Absolutely not! No kidnapping means no tools of the trade, either.
Lola: [[frustrated groan]] They're tools for loads of trades, Princess.
Gwen: These poor souls have been through enough already! You wouldn't have them living and working around those awful things, would you?
Lola: [[sigh]] I see your point, alright? But we'll have to discuss it later. Right now I just need--
[[SFX: big splash]]
Quent: [[shouting]] Man overboard! Man overboard!
[[SFX: sailors shouting]]
Lola: [[frustrated, to self]] Damn it! [[shouting]] What happened?
Toby: [[shouting]] Some old guy fell off the rigging! I think he's unconscious--he hasn't resurfaced!
Gwen: [[gasps]] Oh my goodness!
Quent: [[shouting]] Should we throw him a line?
Lola: [[frustrated growl]] This is just what I need. [[shouting]] Can anybody see him? He can't be more than half a cable's length behind us!
Gwen: [[determined]] We need to turn around. Now.
[[SFX: ship's wheel turning, halted]]
Lola: [[under breath]] Don't even think about it, Princess! A fall from that height can snap your back! If nobody spots him in the next thirty seconds, we have to keep going!
Gwen: [[aghast]] How can you say that!?
Lola: [[exasperated]] We're running for our lives, remember? There's no time!
Gwen: [[determined]] How much time will two thousand gold buy me?
Lola: [[confused]] What!?
Gwen: [[determined, calling behind her]] You'd better take the wheel.
[[SFX: Gwen starts running]]
Lola: [[surprised]] Hey! What are you--No! Someone stop her!
[[SFX: splash]]
[[simultaneously]] Quent: Gwen!
[[simultaneously]] Toby: Gwen!
Lola: Damn it! [[shouting]] Barrelman! Keep your eyes on her!
Toby: [[shouting]] You mean the old guy in the crow's nest? He's the one who fell!
Quent: [[shouting]] I see her! Two points aft to starboard!
Lola: [[shouting]] Everyone hold on to something!
[[SFX: ship's wheel turning sharply, rushing wind/water, crew shouting]]
Toby: [[worried]] I don't see her! Quent! Where'd she go?
Quent: [[tense]] She's gone under again! Gods--she's actually trying to find him!
Lola: [[shouting]] Rigging up! Rigging up, damn it! You two! Get aboard the skiff and make sure she doesn't drown!
Toby: [[shouting]] You want us to get back onto the boat that we were kidnapped on!?
Lola: [[shouting]] Just do it! I can't risk steering too close or I might keelhaul her!
Quent: [[worried]] Toby! Do you see her on your side? She isn't coming back up!
Toby: [[worried]] No! Nothing! [[shouting]] Hey, Lola! What's the range on this ridiculous thing?
Lola: [[shouting]] What--you mean the ship's ballista!?
Toby: [[shouting]] Yeah! [[to Quent]] Hey, Quent! Go grab me a barrel. Filled with something buoyant, preferably.
[[SFX: lever activates, large gears lock into place]]
Quent: [[flabbergasted]] You're not doing what I think you're doing!
Toby: If you mean saving Gwen, then yes! Now hurry up while I figure this thing out!
Lola: [[shouting] Oi--idiot! Those harpoons are designed to punch through iron-clad hulls! What in Hell are you thinking!?
[[SFX: large bolt latching into place]]
Toby: [[shouting]] So what would you say--50 yards, give or take?
Lola: [[shouting]] It's not a bloody cannon! I've seen that thing run through two blokes at twice that range!
Toby: [[shouting]] Good to know! Just keep your eyes peeled for Gwen! You can thank me and apologize for calling me an idiot later!
[[SFX: Quent running, rolling a barrel]]
Quent: [[winded]] Potatoes float, right?
Toby: In saltwater--yeah, I think so. Now… how to attach a barrel to the end of a--
[[SFX: Quent grunts, metal harpoon punching through a wooden barrel]]
Quent: [[winded]] That work?
Toby: [[impressed]] That works!
Lola: [[shouting]] There she is! Off quarter port!
Toby: [[shouting]] I see her!
[[SFX: large gears lock into place, levers activate]]
Quent: [[worried]] You sure you know what you're doing?
Toby: Not in the slightest. [[shouting]] Hey, Gwen! Heads up!
[[SFX: harpoon fires, ropes whipping, distant splash, crew cheers/claps]]
Gwen: [[distant, shouting]] Thank you!
Quent: [[shouting]] Grab ahold Gwen! We'll reel you in! [[to Toby]] This thing has a winch, right?
Toby: [[amused]] What, are you blind?
Quent: Oh, right--here it is.
[[SFX: large gears ratcheting]]
Toby: No--I mean that shot! For never firing a ballista before, that was like… one in a couple hundred at least!
Quent: [[laboring]] Yup--you saved the day, Toby.
Lola: [[shouting]] Oi! Don't just stand there gawking, you looky-loos! Help her up!
Gwen: [[calling up]] Carefully, please! Hold on tightly now!
Wisp: [[coughing/sputtering, weakly]] Bless you, m'lady! Bless you! You're a gorram hero, you are! I thought I was a dead man!
Gwen: Could someone fetch Wisp a blanket please?
Lola: [[shouting]] Let's hurry it up, people! We need to get back on course!
Wisp: D'you lot see that? She dove right in after poor old Wisp! Risked her life, she did! She's a hero! A gorram hero!
Quent: Easy there, old-timer. Let's get you dried off.
Toby: [[sarcastic]] Oh yeah, sure. All the credit should go to Gwen.
Quent: Toby. She managed to locate him at sea… in the middle of the night! [[awed]] Gwen, how did you do that?
Gwen: [[modest]] Oh, it was much easier to spot poor Wisp once I was down there with him. We've had quite the adventure tonight, haven't we Wisp?
Wisp: [[reverent]] A hero! A gorram hero!
Lola: [[shouting]] I said hurry it up! Back to your posts--all of you!
Toby: [[calling]] Hey, how about throwing us a little slack, Lola?
Quent: [[calling]] We did just sort of ensure our little skeleton crew has all of its… bones.
Lola: [[shouting]] You can all pat yourselves on the back later. We still have a shipful of bloodthirsty pirates on our tail! Gwen--get back on the wheel! Everyone else--I want that rigging down and full of wind in under a minute!
[[SFX: crew groaning and grumbling]]
Lola: [[shouting]] Come on! Get the lead out! We need to make another twenty klicks before sunrise if we want to hold our chances at losing Stoddard!
[[SFX: Gwen's footsteps approach]]
Gwen: [[tired]] And at sunrise-- then what?
Lola: [[determined]] Then we keep going.
Gwen: Surely we'll have to stop and let everyone sleep soon. We can't keep going on like this forever.
Lola: [[under breath]] You still don't get it, do you? We don't have enough crew to keep shifts going, Princess. We can't afford the luxury of resting. Not until I know for certain we won't be found.
Gwen: [[frustrated]] And how will you know when that is, exactly? Surely we could let a handful of people sleep for a few hours.
Lola: We barely have enough to cover all the rigging as it is. You leave too many sails unmanned and a sudden change in the wind can foul everything up. And you can bet your life Stoddard has enough alternating crew to stay on course for days. We just have to push through it.
Gwen: That won't matter if everyone's too exhausted to do their jobs. How many more people have to fall overboard before you're satisfied?
Lola: [[quietly]] As many as it takes.
Gwen: [[aghast]] That's simply not acceptable!
Lola: You may not like it, Princess. But believe me when I say I'd sooner take ten deep breaths of saltwater than let that bastard catch up with me.
Gwen: [[stern]] You're not just looking out for yourself anymore, Lola. These people are counting on you! And you need us, too.
Lola: [[frustrated sigh]] What I need is a full day of headway, without any more interruptions. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a crew of haggard tenderfoots to babysit.
[[SFX: Lola begins walking away]]
Gwen: [[calling after]] We never had a choice, you know.
Lola: What?
Gwen: Please don't misunderstand--I'm grateful you freed us. Very grateful. But you also set us on this path, Lola. This is no longer just your plan.
Lola: [[tired]] Look--I'm knackered, Princess. Same as you. Sure, I make running this entire ship single-handed look easy. But believe me--it ain't. What more would you have me do here?
Gwen: I don't know. It's just… I want to know if I'm making the right decision, trusting you. [[sheepish]] Is that wrong of me?
Lola: [[mirthless laugh]] No. But like you said--what choice do you have?
Gwen: I know we've only just met. But… do you trust me?
Lola: [[sigh]] Just keep us pointed at The Wagon, alright? This is going to be one Hell of a long day.
[[SFX: TRANSITION MUSIC]]
SCENE 3
[[SFX: sailors murmuring, mug banging on wooden table]]
Wisp: [[loudly]] All right, shut yer hatches! Shut yer hatches! Let the man speak!
Quent: [[clears throat]] Uhh… hello. Right, so my name is--
Sailor 1: [[calling]] Speak up!
Quent: [[louder]] My name is First Constable Charthagnion--
Toby: [[interrupting]] But you can just call him Quentin!
[[SFX: mug banging on wooden table]]
Wisp: Point of order! You ain't been recognized!
Toby: [[miffed]] Okay! Sheesh!
Quent: Anyway… I serve the People's Council of Almas under the standing militia of Andoran which, while not technically a branch of the Eagle Knights, is still very much governed by Common Rule. Because of this, I've been asked to officiate this… moot, such as it is.
Sailor 2: [[calling]] When are we going home?
Sailor 3: [[calling]] Bugger that! When do we get to sleep for more than an hour at a time?
[[SFX: mug banging on wooden table]]
Wisp: Point of order! The moot ain't recognizing questions yet! So shut it!
Quent: Uhh… thank you, Mr. Wisp. [[louder]] Look, I know these past few days have been hard. We're all tired and worried about what the future holds. As of now, none of you are bound to serve beyond necessity and… well, survival. But if we can't pull together and function as a crew, at least for a little while longer… then there isn't much point to winning our freedom.
Sailor 4: [[calling, angry]] What freedom? We're working our hands to the bone!
[[SFX: sailors murmuring, mug banging on wooden table]]
Wisp: Order! Order!
Quent: [[calling over the murmurs]] You're right. We aren't free yet. And things are probably going to get worse before they get better. Which is why we need to decide here and now who among us is going to lead this ship to safe harbor.
Sailor 1: [[calling, angry]] Yeah? And then what?
Quent: Then you can all decide your own fates. But we have to reach safe harbor first. And that's going to take more than just a will to survive. We need a plan and a coordinated crew, which means we need a captain. Now--since our two nominees have already left the room, I'm opening the floor for deliberation. [[pause]] Umm… that means you can all talk now.
[[SFX: sailors murmuring]]
Sailor 2: Isn't it obvious!? There's only one of 'em has any sailing experience!
Sailor 3: Why should we trust either of 'em?
Sailor 4: You'd be a fool to trust that harpy, Lola! She's been working us like oxen!
Sailor 1: Don't be an idiot! Lola knows this damn ship like the back of her hand!
Sailor 2: Aye--she'll be the one that gets us to port, not some half-witted blueblood!
[[SFX: mug slams on wooden table]]
Wisp: [[furious]] And who'll dive in after you, eh? Which of 'em will give a rat's arse if you live or die? [[pause]] Are you all so gentled by fear that you'd lay our fate at the feet of a traitor!?
[[SFX: sailors murmuring]]
Toby: Whoa, whoa! Hold on there, Wisp old pal. I appreciate you sticking up for Gwen. But let's be reasonable. Does screwing over her sadistic former boss really make Lola a traitor?
Wisp: Stoddard may be a murderous bastard, for true. But that don't change the fact that Lola betrayed him. What's to keep her from doing the same to us? She ain't loyal to nobody but herself!
[[SFX: sailors murmuring]]
Toby: Point taken. But Lola freed us, after all. And even if she is a bit dicey, she at least knows enough to have gotten us this far.
[[SFX: sailors murmuring]]
Wisp: And who talked that taskmaster of a woman into giving up a few hours' rest now and then, eh? Rawlins--who brought you your meals while you was splitting your hands on the tacking line? Tillie--who made sure you was watered enough while you roasted up on that mainsail? Aye… Lola may know a trick or two more'n Lady Gwen. But old Wisp has been around the Inner Sea enough times to know the best captains ain't the ones what look the part. They're the ones what give a damn 'bout their own bloody crew! From 'swain to swabbie! And may Pharasma take any of you what says otherwise!
[[SFX: creaking planks, random cough]]
Toby: [[impressed]] Huh. Good speech.
Quentin: [[tentative]] …Does anyone else have anything to add? [[pause]] Then… I suppose I move for a vote?
Toby: Second!
Quentin: [[sigh]] All right, then. [[authoritative]] Our winning candidate will be determined by at least a two-thirds majority vote. A simple show of hands will suffice. [[louder]] For the position of Captain… all in favor of Lady Gwyneth Karthis?
[[SFX: TRANSITION MUSIC]]
SCENE 4
[[SFX: ocean ambience]]
Lola: [[frustrated sigh]] What in Hell is taking them so long? We're wasting valuable time sitting out here in the open like this!
Gwen: [[reassuring]] I'm sure Quentin is just being thorough. Things will pick up once it comes to the vote.
Lola: [[crabby]] It had better. Can you believe that old fool, Wisp? Nominating you right out of the gate like that? As if everyone forgot that saving his ungrateful arse was a bloody team effort.
Gwen: [[embarrassed]] Oh, Wisp was just being sweet. Besides, I think the choice is fairly obvious who's more qualified between us.
Lola: You're right--it is obvious. So what in Hell are they debating about down there?
Gwen: You don't think I overdid it, do you?
Lola: [[sardonic]] Oh nooo! Praising me as a "champion of freedom" and a "really good yeller" in front of the crew was very subtle. [[suspicious]] I noticed you didn't turn down your nomination.
Gwen: Oh! I didn't know I could! Should I go do that now?
Lola: [[frustrated]] No! You can't… argh! Gods! I swear, if you somehow manage to take captain from me--
Gwen: [[nervous]] No, no! They would never go in for me! Besides, I could just make you the new captain if that happened! [[pause]] Right?
Lola: [[crabby]] No. You couldn't.
Gwen: [[panicked]] I didn't mean to get nominated! And I swear I didn't know I could refuse! I wasn't trying to go back on our arrangement, I promise!
Lola: [[frustrated sigh]] [[begrudging]] Calm down, Princess. You already made good on your part of the deal. Just… promise me you'll at least make me your first mate if those idiots vote for you. All right?
Gwen: [[relieved]] Yes, of course! Thank you. [[sigh]] [[somber]] Although… I still don't think you need to worry. I mean… I doubt anyone could trust me at all now that I'm a… a murderer.
Lola: [[amused]] I'm sorry, what did you just say?
Gwen: [[guilty]] I can't ignore it any longer. [[deep breath]] I'm a murderer, Lola.
Lola: [[laughs]] Is that right? Got a taste for blood, did you?
Gwen: This is serious! If anyone ever found out--
Lola: [[interrupting]] Barlow had it coming, love. Or have you already forgotten what he did to you and your mates?
Gwen: [[guilty]] Deserving or not, I took a life. That's wrong. As wrong as piracy, even. [[disturbed]] Besides, what I did… it… it scared me.
Lola: [[amused]] Not as scary as what he'dve done if you hadn't… actually, no. I'd say pounding his face to jelly was plenty scary. Don't get me wrong--you're a right bleedin' hard chaw when you're properly wound up. But trust me, Princess--old Barlow would've slit your throat as soon as you turned your back on him.
Gwen: But he was unarmed!
Lola: [[snorts]] Don't suppose you bothered to check his boots before we threw him overboard? 'Cause I did.
Gwen: [[confused]] His… boots?
Lola: [[amused]] Daggers, you dummy. Here, see?
[[SFX: blade unsheaths]]
Lola: Been meaning to get a pair of these. [[pause]] What? You've never rolled a body before? Anyway… if you hadn't done in that git, I can guarantee these beauties would be sticking in your ribcage.
[[SFX: blade sheaths]]
Lola: I'll bet that wanker was reaching for them right as you cracked his worthless melon.
Gwen: [[guilty]] But I allowed myself to lose control--to give into this… rage I never knew was there before. I certainly didn't enjoy killing him, but… I think a part of me expected to. And that's just as bad. If that doesn't make me a murderer--
Lola: [[laughs]] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just… I know murderers, love. Hell, I've even slept with a few. And trust me… you ain't one.
Gwen: [[forlorn]] You're just trying to cheer me up.
Lola: [[stern]] Bugger that! I'm not here to coddle you, Princess. No--a real murderer doesn't think twice about offing people. You think that bastard Stoddard ever spared a thought for the thousands of innocent people he's doomed to die? You think Barlow gave a damn about that girl you were tracking down?
Gwen: [[depressed]] How can people be so cruel?
Lola: 'Cuz they're bastards. They don't think and reason the same as you. To them, people are just… [[somber]] bartering chips. Tools to be used and chucked away as they please. [[pause]] Is that who you are, Gwen?
Gwen: No. It's not.
Lola: [[dismissive]] Then congratulations--you're a decent person after all.
Gwen: That's very kind, thank you. But I wasn't always like… well… this.
Lola: [[suspicious]] Like what?
Gwen: [[cautious]] Can I tell you a secret?
Lola: [[uncomfortable]] Uhh… sure.
Gwen: [[deep breath]] Every day, it takes nearly all of my willpower to keep from thinking and saying the most dreadful things… [[sigh]] and it never gets any easier.
Lola: [[uncomfortable]] Oh. [[pause]] That sounds… exhausting.
Gwen: [[sad]] It does, doesn't it?
Lola: [[awkward]] So… why go to all the trouble? I mean, you are who you are, right? Why not just… I dunno… be who you were meant to be?
Gwen: Because I didn't like the person I was meant to be. And I certainly didn't like who I already was--angry, spiteful, antisocial…
Lola: Sounds like you used to be good for a laugh, at least. So why'd you run off then? Living the posh life finally drove you mad, did it?
Gwen: [[mirthless laugh]] I suppose it did, in a way. I was bored to tears most days--sometimes literally, I'm ashamed to admit. And after my… [[pause]] Let's just say I was done living a useless life. So I just… left. And began living like the person I've always wanted to be.
Lola: [[amused]] You make it sound so easy.
Gwen: But it isn't. Gods, I wish it were though. [[frustrated sigh]] It was a stupid idea. And now I'm stranded at sea with… [[struggling for words]] blood on my hands and a bounty on my head!
Lola: So melodramatic! Seems this life may suit you more than you thought. Especially if you're keen on running from this Dismouth fellow.
Gwen: [[fiercely]] I'm not running from anyone.
Lola: Okay, okay! Forget I said anything. [[thoughtful]] You know, I could use someone like you on my crew after we make port. You ever think of becoming a full-time privateer?
Gwen: [[uninterested]] I don't know. What would I have to do?
Lola: Nothing you haven't done already. Man the ship's wheel, see to the morale of the crew, maybe crack a few skulls now and then. [[eager]] Besides, you noble types all study magic, yeah?
Gwen: [[affronted]] Oh, no you don't! I know what you're about to suggest!
Lola: [[innocently]] What? What did I say?
Gwen: I'm not a mercenary, Lola. And I'm not interested in using my training to hurt people for you.
Lola: What? Who said I wanted to hurt anybody? No, no, no! I just need someone to identify magical things or… make magical light--stuff like that. [[coy]] Maybe magic up a little wind to fill our sails now and then?
Gwen: [[miffed]] I'm not a sky druid.
Lola: I know! I know! I just thought… maybe you could learn?
Gwen: [[sigh]] That isn't how the arcane arts work. And I only know a few parlour tricks and self-defence spells anyway. I wouldn't be much use to you.
Lola: Don't be so hasty! Believe it or not, I see a lot of potential in you. [[pause]] I do! And our interests just so happen to align at the moment.
Gwen: [[suspicious]] What do you mean?
Lola: There's actually a lot of money in busting pirates these days. The Steel Falcons pay a hundred gold for every sunken pirate rig and five times that if you manage to tow one to harbor. Trust me, it's easier than it sounds.
Gwen: [[curious]] Wait… you want to free more kidnapped people?
Lola: If the pay's good enough, why not? Haven't you ever dreamt of striking out into the world and changing all the things you didn't like about it?
Gwen: [[guarded]] I suppose. And you still aren't planning to turn me in?
Lola: What, the reward? I gave you my word, didn't I?
Gwen: [[suspicious]] So you won't mind if I took my leave once we reach Almas?
Lola: I mean… I just thought if you were serious about finding this girl, what better position to be in? We could track her down--kicking pirate arse as we go--all the while getting paid to do it. But if you're not interested--
Gwen: [[interrupting]] No, no! I'll… I'll think about it.
Lola: [[smiling]] Glad to hear it. You know, I've got a good feeling about this, Princess. I think you and I are going to make one Hell of a… [[trails off]]
[[SFX: distant thunder/otherworldly ambiance]]
Gwen: Lola? What's the mat-- [[gasp]] Oh my goodness!
Lola: [[quietly]] What in the ever-loving Pit is that!?
Gwen: [[in awe]] I take it giant beams of purple light aren't a… normal occurrence on the Inner Sea?
Lola: [[At a loss for words]] No, Princess. [[pause]] No, they most certainly are not.
[[SFX: dramatic stinger, OUTRO MUSIC]]
CREDITS
Narrator: Omen, episode 105: "All the Sea's a Stage" was written and directed by Tim Krause. Featuring Mamito Kukwikila as Gwen, A.J. Beckles as Tobias, C.W. Brown as Quentin, Méabh de Brún as Lola, Anthony Morales as Stoddard, Gary Scales as Battoh, and Chris Einspahr as Wisp. Additional voices provided by Graham Rowat, Brandon Jenkins, Sarah Golding, Tom Laflin, Phill Usher, and Kyle Brown. Original music composed by Matt Lee.
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